today,friday,7th january 2011..its new year already.n its friday..but i'm so not in a good mood today..
first,its because Diyanah's mom has just passed away around 11 sth pm last night.i feel so useless as there is nothing that i could do to calm her down.but Alhamdulillah,she is a strong person.she sounds so calm when i called her last night.i pray to Allah that she and her family are strong to face this news and to go through the future without her beloved mother by their side.also, may her mother is placed together with the mukminin in the Paradise.InsyaAllah.Verily Allah knows best what is best for their family.
secondly,perhaps its because of the tons of work to be done and things to be thought of for this week as well as this weekend.from the lab reports,group discussions,calculus' pbl discussions,revisions,to the matters regarding the batch.this week is quite tiring for me and makes me quite emotional.with the twin keep on giving me compliments and praises that i think i do not deserve.with the weather that always cold here at Kuantan..these really affect my mood for this whole week.
i'm not a perfect person.some might see me as one,but i'm not.instead, i might be even worse than what people might think about me.cause i keep most of my thoughts,feelings all by myself that people do not know what kind of person i am.who says that i don't feel alone..honestly,almost most of the time..i just pretend to be not.maybe that is what makes me an ignorant.i became someone that ignore my own feeling,thus,became an ignorant of others also.but then,when someone tells me her feelings or problems,i don't know how i should react.that makes me a bad respondent.i cannot give the right facial expressions,the right words,or body languages to the people around me,even if i wanted to,badly..
my exam results might be good, but believe me,there are others that get better than me.do not praise me because of my achievements.they are not helping me to be better actually.they only make me become someone that is not grateful.i might looked tired or stress due to all the work that i have to do on behalf of the batch.please, do not say,"pity me", as i actually enjoy doing them.because if you say so, it might actually change my intention in doing those things.so,please,don't..
i feel so useless that i think i should be away from people.
i feel so lonely that i think i cannot stop crying.
i feel so bad that i think i should not talk to others anymore as they might get hurt of what i wll say.
but i take all these feelings as part of His tests..verily, a good person will not be affected by her own emotions.i will try to be one.insyaAllah...
